Baby Daddy 51: What the fuck, 2019?

Oh holy shit. Did you know it is already APRIL????? WHAT THE SWEET GODDAMN?!?!

2019 has been a fuck of a year, let me tell you. A trip to China, jet lag, sleep regressions, stomach bugs, spring breaks, travels to Washington DC and Kansas City, and suddenly we are already at PASSOVER!!! Holy hell has it been a shite year. Shite for schedule and time. Not necessarily shite for the progress being made.

And now I have to catch up on FOUR MONTHS of life. Fortunately I was so sleep deprived that I didn't get a chance to learn much of anything. I saw where the US government fairly well fuck itself. I saw where China is colonizing the world and is slowly taking over. I saw where my son clearly understands EVERYTHING we say, regardless of language. I saw where corporate strategies began to grow, die, revive.....it had a weird Jesus-y tone to it.

Oh, and I am starting a podcast. Not sure what I am going to share yet.

On a HUGE FUCKING SIDE NOTE!!! I hate our cat. I hate him so goddamn hard right now. It is Spring, he has no testicles, and yet he STILL is trying to mark his territory. That wouldn't be so bad, but he sprayed MY SON'S CLOTHES!!!! How do I explain to my son's teacher that he smells like cat musk because our cat is shooting blanks and angry about it? HOW? I have not struggled with a smell like this since my son had the stomach flu.



So.

Much.

Poo.

So.

Much.

Puke.


We literally threw his clothes away. That was probably a violation of several environmental regulations. I'm pretty sure we would have had to burn the clothes to be in full environmental compliance. I will say, though, that nothing beats taking your baby to the doctor, them asking why we brought him in, and having your son completely evacuate his bowels and stomach contents on the middle of the floor.

For the record, Nurse Jackie, I do apologize for standing there while you cleaned it up. In my defense, my lack of action prevented my stomach from contributing to the problem. Also, thank you for giving him a "free" t-shirt to replace the clothes we had to throw away.

ON a side note, anti-vaccine people are dumb as fuck. "Let's avoid a completely random and astronomically unlikely event by putting our child at risk of dying from antiquated diseases." I mean, seriously! Oh yeah, and don't forget that the anti-vaccine movement puts all people with compromised immune systems at risk. How did humanity die out? Nuclear War? No. Fucking polio.

Moral of the Story: 2019 has been a sumbitch, but everything is (hopefully) getting back on track. Oh, and I can never take my son back to that medical facility again.....ever. And yes, our son DOES get vaccines. Because anti-vaccine people are a Darwinist gift.

Ultron vs North Korea

For those that don't know, Avengers Infinity War came out a while ago. If you didn't know, then you CLEARLY live under a rock. It was advertised literally everywhere. I saw a post at a restaurant bathroom. It was gross. The bathroom, not the poster. But that is not the purpose of this story. 

After watching Infinity War, my wife and I decided to embark on a Marvel Movie Marathon. We have been binge watching a Marvel movie at least once a week, if not more. Yesterday's movie was a special treat: Avengers: Age of Ultron. Warning: Spoilers ahead.

So in the movie, Tony Stark creates Ultron - an artificial intelligence (AI) that is supposed to create peace on earth. On in the movie, Ultron turns evil and they have to defeat it. Now the plot does not matter, as much as the humor of it. Why is this funny? Because Ultron travels via the internet. Do you know why/how Ultron could not take over the entire world? Simple: North Korea

While we make fun of North Korea, the reality is that they are the best equipped to combat Ultron. After all, they only have what, 12 websites? North Korea has such janky internet that they are likely on dial-up. Could you imagine an AI trying to take over a country that still has to listen to the dial-up connection, simply to access a website that brags about their government? Ultron would likely just quit! 

Even if Ultron doesn't quit, that would be the shittiest connection ever. Ultron manages to establish a connection. It starts trying to access weapons codes. And suddenly, Kimmie boy decides to make a phone call. We can assume that North Korea only has one real phone. After all, you can't have a totalitarian dictatorship and let people actually call the world.

Suddenly, Kimmie decides to call in for a pizza (or whatever the fuck he eats. I hear he doesn't eat cheese?). Ultron is about to get weaponized and BAM! Just like that, Ultron experiences the bane of the 1990's and early 2000's. 

I mean, Ultron could still fuck up the US and the rest of the world, but at least we know one weakness?

Moral of the Story: Infinity Wars is a great movie, and Ultron can't do shit about N. Korea.